Confessions of a TTC-A-Holic

2ww

2010-04-20T10:16:00.001-04:00

the trigger wasn't so bad, the anticipation was the worst part. I have felt fine since however today I just feel drained. I started the Crinone last night and that wasn't as messy as I was afraid it was going to be. maybe my tiredness is from the Crinone or the trigger?

Posted from my Android phone.

trigger

2010-04-17T09:30:00.001-04:00

tonight is trigger night, its my first ever so I am anxious but excited about the possibilities!

still here

2010-04-08T22:24:00.001-04:00

today was cd7 and my third day of Femara. AF stuck around until this evening so it was longer than normal but I was cleaned out pretty good so I'm happy with that. cd13 ultrasound is next Wed so fingers crossed I grow an 18mm follie or bigger and they can do the trigger. still waiting for the crinone prescription to be approved by insurance. How is everyone?

C'mon AF!

2010-04-01T08:52:00.001-04:00

Day 4 off Provera and still no AF. Now we are talking about going camping this weekend and I am sure she will ruin it by showing the first morning in the tent... lovely.

Have a great weekend!

crap

2010-03-30T11:22:00.001-04:00

I think since I upgraded my comment platform, I am unable to see them using AndroBlogger. will have to fix that I guess.

Day 2 off Provera and no AF of course. Luckily the only s/e I had was feverish temps in the evening and headaches.

testing android Blogger

2010-03-27T13:17:00.001-04:00

comment if you see this!!
I got a DROID and downloaded an app to post to Blogger so far so good!

Handwriting Game + Update

2010-03-25T17:49:00.000-04:00

Here's a fun game I saw on another blog. It's called The Handwriting Game. (ooooh, ahhhh!!!)
Basically the rules are simple. By hand, you answer the following questions on a piece of paper, scan it and upload it onto your blog. So if you play along, be sure to let me know so I can go check yours out!

1) Write your name and/or online alias
2) Are you right or left handed? Or both?
3) What letters are your favorite to write?
4) What letters are your least favorite to write?
5) Write the following:
The quick, brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
1234567890
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
6) Write the following words in capital letters:
CRAB HUMOR KALEIDOSCOPE PAJAMAS GAZILLION
7) Write your favorite song lyrics
8) Share some fun doodles!

And here's mine:

And a quick update on me --

I'm on day 2 of 10mg Provera. 8 more days to go. AF cannot come soon enough!

I am going to SCREAM!!!

2010-03-21T11:08:00.000-04:00

I don't know why I put so much faith into FF but it's driving me crazy. Yesterday I didn't get to temp and this morning my temp is way low, like the low point right before I ovulate most prior cycles so naturally FF took off my crosshairs. Now I'm just cd36. No 19dpo, just cd36. I'm so frustrated. I guess I'll be going to get that Provera today afterall.

My chart

Get some free stuff!

2010-03-20T10:15:00.001-04:00

Yes, this is WAAAYYY off topic and yes this is not a typical post from me and yes I promise not to inundate you with advertisements in the future but I wanted to pass the word along since time is running out.

Are you crafty? Would you like to become crafty?

Some of you may have seen this card and journal I created, this card I made my Mom and this card I made another IF'er. I LOVE my Stampin' Up! products and using them to create greeting cards and other paper crafts. I seriously haven't bought a single greeting card in almost 2 years!

I wanted to be sure all of you know that I am a Stampin' Up! (SU!) demonstrator and currently, SU! is hosting an exciting event called "Sale-A-Bration" (you may have actually seen web banners advertising this since the first of the year). This event ends on March 31st and if you take advantage of it, there are 3 ways you can earn LOTS of FREE Limited Edition stuff!

Spend $50 on Stampin' Up! merchandise and receive a FREE Sale-A-Bration stamp set (no limit: for every $50 you spend, you earn one free item!)
Host a workshop (even catalog or online workshop!!) with at least $300 in merchandise sales and receive a FREE Sale-A-Bration stamp set
Join as a demonstrator and choose ANY stamp set valued up to $47.95 from our current catalog for FREE! Plus, get 15% off our starter kit!

*For example: if you host a workshop with $600 in sales and you personally make a $100 purchase as a part of this workshop, you will earn 2 Sale-A-Bration items for the workshop and 2 more for your order! PLUS you will earn hostess benefits ($75 in free product PLUS 2 or 3 hostess stamp sets). The free stuff will REALLY add up and it's an easy way to get all the basics you need to start creating your own greeting cards! It's how I did it!

Hosting a workshop with just $150 in sales qualifies you for hostess benefits!

- or - you personally can purchase $150 in products and earn hostess benefits.

Your choice!

All this expires on March 31st so you want to take advantage of this awesome sale quickly! To view the Sale-A-Bration catalog (items that you will receive for free with qualifying purchases) click here.

Stampin' Up! now offers high quality clear mount stamps in addition to their high quality wood mount stamps. Stampin' Up! also now has a digital crafting software called "My Digital Studio".

If you would like to place an order or host an online catalog workshop,

please contact me at

stampin.with.chirleen (at) gmail (dot) com

You can view the online Stampin' Up! catalog here and then contact me via email with your order.

And I'm Still Waiting...

2010-03-19T11:04:00.000-04:00

It's 17dpo according to FF so hopefully AF will arrive tomorrow. My LP has been 16 or 17 days so this should be it if what FF says is true. My provera is waiting to be picked up from the pharmacy and I am pretty sure that if I don't pick it up, AF will not show. As soon as I do pick it up (thus wasting the $$ to buy it and the time to get there - approx 25 minute drive) AF will arrive. So I'm not going out of my way today to go pick it up but tomorrow I'll be out that way anyway so I'll probably pick it up if needed.

Do any of you think its possible that I didn't ovulate? My chart

The wait is driving me nuts!

New Comment Platform

2010-03-17T23:09:00.000-04:00

I am now using Disqus for my comments so don't be alarmed when things don't look "normal". Give me some feedback - let me know what you think! It's only set up for new posts (beginning with this one). Prior posts are still using the regular Blogger comments.

And the result is...

2010-03-17T22:12:00.001-04:00

I got the BIG N-O today on the phone. The nurse was even kind enough to ask me how I'm doing today before breaking the bad news. Not that it was all that unexpected, I really didn't think I'd get a surprise BFP when I can't even get one that's planned. What was I thinking?

So, she's ordered the Provera script but since FF has given me crosshairs all of a sudden for cd17, I'm now 15dpo I guess. And since my LP is 16 or 17 days, I'll give AF a couple more days to rear her ugly self before I start taking the Provera. I'd really much rather she arrive on her own. Provera will only delay her appearance. If I can get AF to come this weekend then by April 1st-ish I'll be triggering. How cool would that be?

D'what?!

2010-03-17T08:18:00.002-04:00

disclaimer: the flow of this post is AWFUL, trust me, I notice; but I think it's just me processing everything and thinking aloud. Please ignore the annoying tone
Now all of a sudden, I'm 15dpo. How did that happen? I'm so confused! Did I or didn't I? It really doesn't matter for testing purposes b/c we only BD'd like 4 or 5 days prior to this supposed O b/c then we had to start using rain jackets so those days don't count. The chances of us getting pregnant this cycle are slim to none. But now I don't know what to do! I guess just keep waiting???? ... my LP is 17 days so just a couple more days and maybe AF will start on her own? So I shouldn't start taking Provera until after Sat/Sun if AF doesn't show??? Right? Hell, FF may remove the crosshairs alltogether AGAIN between now and then. Well, I guess I'll just sit back and see what happens.

My Chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2b1463

I posted a pretty lengthy blog last night so don't forget to read that one too!

Just waiting!

2010-03-16T20:53:00.000-04:00

My nurse called me back today and told me that Dr. O wants me to do a beta test before he'll Rx the Provera. Well, on days like today where everything is planned down to the very minute - they just never go the way they are supposed to.

I had a mtg. at work this morning so I was going to head to the lab (about 30 minutes away in the next town) around lunchtime after my mtg. Well, my guests didn't show until 1 1/2 hrs after they were scheduled to be at my office. So that threw me off quite a bit from the very beginning.

I finally got to town around 1:30 (vs. noon like I had wanted) and stopped by my folks place to check on their dog and grab their mail b/c they are out of town overnight (I'm dogsitting for them, they didn't leave their dog at home by herself!). And STUPID ME - I ended up LOCKING MY KEYS IN THE TRUCK! Luckily I had the key to their house so I was able to sit inside instead of out in the cold. I called my Dad and asked if I could use their truck and then I realized that my wallet was in the truck, too. Can't possibly go get bloodwork done without ID. So, the only thing I could do was wait for my husband to get off work to rescue me. He wouldn't be around until 5pm though. So my day was shot.

Well, I posted on FB that my key was locked in the truck. My Grandma saw the post and told my Granddady (who happens to be a locksmith) and so he came over to rescue me.

TO THE RESCUE! Da na na naaaa!

I didn't originally call to ask him to help b/c he lives 40 minutes away and I figured I could just wait for my hubby. He is awesome and came right away; he got the truck unlocked around 3:30 so I was finally able to go get my blood drawn for the beta but by the time I got there, it was 4pm and it takes 2 hrs for the results to come back and by that time, my REs office was closed. So now I have to wait for tomorrow to find out what the result is.

I'm just about 100% positive that it'll be negative just by looking at my chart but after the almost non-existent AF at the beginning of this cycle, isn't it possible that I am? I mean I did do HPTs but only a couple and if I didn't ovulate when I thought I did, maybe my timing was off when I tested? So I know it's a long stretch but hey, if I get a surprise BFP tomorrow, I'll take it! No explanation required!!! But I've got my heart set on a BFN and a script for Provera. Whatever. I'm excited to start this next cycle, a new stim (Letrozole), hCG trigger and progesterone supps.

I've had a couple people ask where I'm getting my "cute" images from that I post on most of my blogs. It's simple - I go to Google Images and do a search for any topic I want. Try it, it's super easy and you'll have fun.

C'mon AF!

2010-03-15T14:34:00.001-04:00

Still no signs of ovulation and it's cd30. I have never wanted AF to show so bad before in my life! Once that happens then I can go on my merry way with a new cycle and new plan. I'm very anxious to get started with the Letrozole.

I caved and called the nurse and asked if she can get my RE to Rx some provera or prometrium. I know I've said I really don't want to go on the provera but I'm sick and tired of waiting. I'm 10+ days past due for ovulation and I really don't see it happening this late in the game.

Secret FB Group

2010-03-14T09:55:00.000-04:00

Anybody on FB? Anyone want to join a "secret" Facebook group with over 100 other infertiles?

"Secret" means that you can only join by invitation, the group isn't listed on Facebook's group directory, the members list is completely hidden to non-members, all activity is completely hidden to non-members, it's like the group doesn't even exist!
There are already over 100+ members, many of which I invited through SoulCysters (an online community for those of us suffering with PCOS) but the group is open to all who are TTC!

The group is VERY active and you get answers to any questions you may post rather quickly. Everyone there is so eager to help one another!
Interested in joining us?

Please send the email address you use to sign into Facebook to chirleenevans (at) yahoo (dot) com and I will send you an invitation to join. Please include your blog in the email so that I can verify your IF status! We don't want just anybody lurking in the group!!

Impatience

2010-03-13T14:33:00.002-05:00

This waiting game is really getting to me. Each day I take my temperature hoping to get a glisten of hope or at least a look into my body but no luck. My chart is definitely looking annovulatory. Residual effects of last cycle's Clomid is definitely gone at this point. I last took it on Jan 12-16th.

I'm cd28 today. My cycles on Clomid were 32, 36 & 37 days so maybe I should start thinking about calling the Dr. about an Rx to Provera. That way I can at least get this off cycle gone and started with a fresh new one so I can begin taking the Femara. I last took Provera in 2003 and it made me bleed heavily for 6 weeks. No lie. But then again it had been 18 months since I'd had a period so maybe that's why? I still ended up having a D&C and it was just a terrible mess. As you can imagine, I'm terrified about taking it again.

And in other news...

I sent a bottle of Soy Isoflavones that I purchased for myself and didn't open to another IF'er. I made a pretty card for her to send with the bottle of Soy. Since I found out she's received my package, I'll go ahead and post the photos of the card (I wanted to wait so it would be a surprise in case she saw my blog!)

This is the front of the card, all elements (except the ribbon) are Stampin' Up!

And this is the inside of the card

I know it wasn't much, a bottle of Soy, but I sure do hope that it gives her that *thing* she needs to achieve her dreams of mommyhood!

Annovulatory?

2010-03-12T06:15:00.001-05:00

Well, after putting in my temp from yesterday, FF completely removed the crosshairs. Since Tues. night, I've been having off/on cramping near my right ovary area. CM is still just wet (has been for over a while). I'm so afraid this cycle is going to be annovulatory. I just don't handle provera very well (I have a history with it back in '03) and I'm so ready to get the next cycle going.

We still have 3 days left of our antibiotic so even if I'm getting ready to O, we can't BD until this antibiotic is gone. But I have a feeling I'm not going to O. I think my body is trying but just isn't going to.

Here's my chart, what are your thoughts? It's obvious I haven't ovulated. FF originally had dotted CH on cd17 until I posted my (really low) temp yesterday.

Daddy

2010-03-11T08:00:00.001-05:00

My Dad is one of my most favorite people on this earth.
He's the sweetest, kindest, most fun, caring & loving Dad I could have ever asked for.

He knows how to have fun!

And we've shared some really awesome experiences with each other!!
(this is us after a charter fishing trip out of Homer, Alaska to do some halibut fishing!)

He's goofy and funny and just a "cool dude"

He's really very special to me.

He's the smartest man I know.

He's extremely successful in everything he does.

He served 30 years in the US Coast Guard and just retired 2 yrs ago.

This is Daddy & I back in 1998

Daddy & I in 1999

Chris & I with Daddy at the Martinsville NASCAR race last Fall

Daddy & Momma at the Kroger 200 Truck Race in Martinsville last fall

Daddy and me in 2009

Daddy, I just want to celebrate everything about you today.

Let's celebrate all of the lives you have touched with your wit, humor, commitment and love.

Let's celebrate YOU!

I love you, Daddy.

Happy Birthday!

ANOTHER Infection!

2010-03-10T08:53:00.002-05:00

The nurse called yesterday with the results of my urinalysis done last week. Well, I already knew I had another yeast infection so I took the Diflucan last week but she called to tell me that I have flora(?) bacterial infection and wants me on another antibiotic 2x/day for 3 days. Um... what about this doxycycline I'm already on and have been for 9 days now and will continue to be on for another 5 days?? They must have forgotten. She called back and said not to do any more antibiotics that the doxy should take care of it. Phew.

I've never in my life been diagnosed with so many infections at once. She said it's all common and nothing to be concerned about. I just hope this yeast infection doesn't return since I still have so many days of doxy left.

Last night I was cramping on the right side. My cyst (if it's even still there) was on the left side. This cramping was weird. It's not ovulation pain is it? Isn't that usually in the center? And it's not AF cramps this early - that's usually in the center, too isn't? So what do ya'll think it could be? I'm most definitely not pregnant so before anyone even suggests that, I'm not.

That aside, I'm now 8dpo and moving right along. Hopefully this time in a week I'll be approaching my next cycle. Can't wait!

Crosshairs!

2010-03-06T07:31:00.002-05:00

Wahoo!!!!!!!! I wasn't sure it would happen since I'm not stimming this month and I've heard of the elusive o after coming off Clomid but I wasn't sure it would really happen. Why make things easy, right?

Well - it happened. At least I'm pretty sure it happened. It wasn't a strong o but it gave me (dotted) CH on FF! I assume they are dotted b/c I didn't have OPK or cervix or CM data to back up the temp. *shrug* I just want this cycle to be over with without having to use Provera (I have a bad history with Provera). So, according to FF, I'm 4dpo so I've got roughly 10 to 13 days left till next cycle. Please let it go by quickly!!! I'm so ready to get started with the Femara!!

And I just realized that if I conceive on this first Femara cycle, I can still technically have a 2010 baby (it would just be the very last few days of the year!)... now I'm really excited!!!!!!! :) :) :)

More Good News!

2010-03-02T21:08:00.002-05:00

We just got home from my recheck appointment.
Ladies and gentleman: his man juice is PERFECT! woo hoo!!!!!! I will post the actual results from the s/a just because I have no clue what I'm looking at but the dr. said it looks GREAT! What a relief for the both of us.

I'm so excited for him - bless his heart, he was so worried.
I always knew he was perfect!

As for me, all of my bloodwork done on cd3 came back really good. We did another u/s to check the status of that lovely 4.5cm cyst I have been carrying around on my left ovary. Turns out that in the last two weeks since it was discovered, that baby has shrunk down to 1/3 it's original size! Can I get a 'hallelujah!!!'???

We got a plan for next cycle, too. This is where I get really excited!

I will take 5mg Letrozole/Femera on cds 5-9. On cd13, I will have a follie check u/s. When we have a good 18mm follie, we'll trigger with some hCG and then I'll start progesterone supplements 2-3 dpo SID. Then, it'll be *fingers crossed* for a BFP!

I feel VERY positive and am really looking forward to getting this next cycle rolling. Of course in the meantime, we have 13 days left to our antibiotic and until then, we're having to use condoms but who cares. It gives us time to do some good practicing and get back to "us", not doing it just for a baby. It'll be fun :)

Speaking of the antibiotic, we learned that the bacterial infection is common and probably something that has been there for several years. The dr. said they wouldn't normally treat it but since we're ttc, it's important that we do. He said with 14 days of doxycycline, it'll be gone.

I had to give a urinalysis except I was told to empty my bladder before my u/s so afterwards, I drank at least 25 styrofoam cups of water over the course of 30 minutes. I could only give about half a cup of urine. Ten minutes after leaving - sitting in heavy stopped traffic in downtown Norfolk, my bladder was busting at the seams. I found an exit off the highway after I got out of the city and THANK GOD for taco bell b/c I would have been squatting on the side of the road otherwise.
We stopped for dinner and I had to pee 3 times while were there. I literally peed FIVE times within 3 hours.

All in all - today's appt was AWESOME! I'm super excited!!!

Craaaaap! updated

2010-03-01T15:53:00.002-05:00

So I guess we're out this cycle before we even began.

I should be ovulating within the next 3 to 5 days. We weren't expecting to get lucky this cycle since I'm off the stims due to that lovely cyst but we were still at least trying.

We got a letter in the mail today stating that a bacterial infection was found when DH's sperm analysis was done. We were both prescribed an antibiotic and instructed to obstain from unprotected sex for 14 days!

This sucks.

Hopefully that's the only bad news we'll get as a result of his s/a. We will know more tomorrow I guess when I go in for my re-check.

I have no clue what kind of bacterial infection was found; I'm waiting for the nurse to call me back.

******
I had no idea there were so many varieties of condoms. Do you know the last time I purchased them?

So we've started our antibiotics tonight. 1/2 day down, 13 1/2 to go!

Hot Flashes!

2010-02-27T08:45:00.000-05:00

As you know, I'm not on any stims this month, I'm on the bench due to a cyst. The only real symptom I got while on Clomid the past 3 cycles was hot flashes about 3-5 days after I finished my last pill and it only lasted for one day. Yesterday was cd13, would have been 4 days after my last pill had I been on it this cycle and I had hot flashes off and on ALL DAY LONG. I was miserable. They were the kind that made your head ache, your stomach flip/flop and I literally had to go outside in the freezing cold, blowing 40 mph winds to cool down. What gives? Is this normal? To have 'residual' side effects from a med I'm not even taking anymore? I mean, I can understand if it was a side effect I was having daily or very regularly. But it's not. It was a one day thing during those Clomid cycles and here it is - doing the same thing. Hopefully thise means I'll still ovulate this cycle :)

Thank you to all of you who left me such sweet comments on my previous blog. I didn't get home until about 11pm last night so I haven't had an opportunity to respond to those comments or read blogs posted throughout the day yesterday. I have a really busy weekend and don't know when I'll get to catch up. I am demonstrating a Stampin' Up! workshop today then going to my folks for dinner and tomorrow we have a full day of plans with friends/family to celebrate both my Mom & Dad's 50th birthdays (Mom's was in Feb/Dad's is in Mar) so we'll be gone all day.

I hope you have a fantastic weekend!

Pretties

2010-02-25T20:27:00.000-05:00

Do you remember when I shared with you this card that I made for my Mom's 50th birthday? I found a really great template for a cool "flip" card that I wanted to make. So, here's my creation:

This is the "front" of the card - if you pull on the ribbon tab, the center piece "flips" and this is what you see on the back side:

Pretty sweet, huh?

And it was SOOO easy!

I'm demonstrating the "flip" card at my workshop this weekend. I'm excited to share it with my customers - I think they will really love it! It's completely different than anything we've done before. And it's soooo versitile.

Anyone interested in seeing how it's done? If so let me know and I'll send you the step by step instructions.

Since my journey with TTC began, I've been carrying a notebook with me to my appointments with jotted notes and appt. reminders. I like to write questions I have for my dr. in it so that I don't forget to ask when I go, etc. The receptionist at my RE's office calls it my "Magic Notebook". Well, I wanted to dress it up, make it more presentable for all of it's appearances.

So I present to you, my Fertility Journal

Oops - it says "Card Created by" and obviously it isn't a card but I'm too lazy to change it. You get the idea. So what do you think? I'm excited to show it off at my appointment on Tuesday!

Do you think there's a market for these? I mean, I love playing with ink/stamps/paper/scissors/glue - why not share it with others?

Photo Survey

2010-02-25T11:10:00.000-05:00

You won't see many of these on my blog but I saw one today and thought "what the hell?". I have nothing else to blog about today. So - here goes.

What is the first letter of your name?

How old are you?

In what city were you born?

Elizabeth City, N.C.
(you know, where Ricky Braddy from last year's American Idol is from?)

Where did you graduate high school?

Kodiak High School in Kodiak, Alaska

Where do you live now?

A Very Beautiful Small Town in North Carolina

What was your first car?

A very awesome 1973 Datsun Pickup - in orange

What are you driving these days?

2007 Toyota Camry

stupid recalls

What is your favorite food?

Mexican - YUMMY!

What celebrity are you often told you look like?

Moreso when we were both younger ...
maybe if I lost some weight I would look like her again?

Who is your celebrity crush?

No hesitation, without a doubt
Johnny Sexy Hubba Hubba Depp

YUMMMM-MMY! mmm mmm mmmmm!

What is your worst habit?

What is your biggest goal in life?

To have a baby

So, if you are bored and have nothing to blog about, try this out on your blog!

I'm watching "The View" ; I just happen to catch that their show today is entirely about Fertility Issues. I wish I had known ahead of time and I could have alerted everyone sooner.

A letter to my kitty

2010-02-24T13:21:00.005-05:00

Dear Orion,

Your cuteness does not give you a free pass to be a pain in the ass at 4 a.m. The fact that you feel it's time to eat at your beckon call does not mean I think so, too.

Sitting outside my bedroom door and meowing and meowing and meowing only makes me cranky. Do I meow at you while you are sleeping all day? Do I get in your face when it's time for me to eat?

Don't you think it's enough that I feed you twice a day and clean up your poop! I don't do that for just anyone, ya know.

Quit giving me those big brown kitty eyes, you know I can't resist the cuteness. You are not the boss of me!

Ok, ok, maybe you are.

Is it possible he's prepping me to be a Mom?

I still love you. But give me a break, buddy!

Your Maid/Momma,

Bloodwork Comparisons

2010-02-23T12:05:00.001-05:00

This may not be the most fun or most interesting blog I've ever written but I am hoping I can get some insight on my bloodwork.

	4/14/09	1/11/10	1/17/10	2/16/10
LH (ref: 0.0-76.3)	6.7	3.1 cd3		4.2 cd3
FSH (ref: 2.5-10.2)	5.6	5.5 cd3	8.4 cd10	4.8 cd3
Estradiol (ref: 12.5-211)	55	36.0 cd3	60.1 cd10	49.0 cd3
Hemoglobin A1C (ref: less than 6.0%)				5.5%
Glucose (ref: 70-99)	78
T3 (ref: 0.87-1.78)	1.09
T4 (ref: 0.58-1.64)	0.59
TSH (ref: 0.34-4.82)	0.77
Hydroxyprogesterone (ref: 30-100)	78
Dehydroepiandrosterone (ref: 162-995)	1128 (high)
Insulin (ref: 0.0-29.1)	19.4
Prolactin (ref: 2.8-29.2)	7.1
Testosterone (ref: 14-76)	60

Is it me or does my LH/FSH ratio look better than it used to?

HSG Results

2010-02-22T21:25:00.001-05:00

(drum roll, please)

After a 2nd push of dye -

I'M ALL CLEAR!!!!!!

The procedure wasn't too bad, I was really nervous though. Apparently I was a little flush and the nurse was concerned about me at first but I was able to eventually relax. Watching the video of the procecure was really cool, I wish I could have shared that with my husband.

Most of my cd3 bloodwork from last week came back:
FSH: 4.8
LH: 4.2
Estradiol: 49
Hemoglobin A1C: 5.5%

The dr. said of course the FSH/LH ratio is indicative of PCOS (which we already knew) and that everything else looked good. Hooray!

I have a follow-up appt. next Tues afternoon for an u/s to check the status of that pesky cyst and make a plan for next cycle.

HSG: T Minus 4 1/2 hrs

2010-02-22T09:05:00.001-05:00

Sorry about the fugly cat but it very much illustrates how I'm feeling right about now. I have spoken to many women who have had an HSG and most of them don't have any complaints, some of them said it was somewhat painful and very few of them said it was extremely painful and uncomfortable. So in all honesty, I'm only sort of ~~freaked out~~ worried about any pain. What I'm really truly scared about is what they might find.

I started my antibiotic yesterday just like my RE ordered. I will take my 800mgs of Ibuprofen an hour before (even though it goes against my rule about no NSAIDS while ttc) and my Mom is going with me for moral support. She recommended that I try to ask for a pill to relax me. I wonder if they'll let me bring my iPod! Music always relaxes me.

The drive is alittle more than an hour and we have to find parking in a parking garage and then walk a block or so to the center. We're going to downtown Norfolk so anyone familiar with the area will understand my frustrations with that alone.

Wherever you are, whatever you are doing at 1:30 EST, please have a brief moment of prayer/meditation/wishing on stars/crossing fingers (whatever it is you do) for me that all goes well and we get the ALL CLEAR to move forward.

thank you!

Another Award!

2010-02-21T13:48:00.000-05:00

Thanks Heather @ Journey Through Infertility and TTC for this sweet blogging award!

I originally "met" Heather on SoulCysters, she's answered a MILLION of my questions and is very friendly and helpful with every answer she gives. She's a good friend to have!!!

Now, since I've accepted this award nomination, I must list 10 things that make my day and then list 10 blogs who deserve this award. Wow - only 10? If I nominate you, please do the same on your blog!

Ok, a-hem. Here goes: 10 things that make my day

My hubby waking me every morning (even at 4 a.m.) to kiss me and tell me loves me before he leaves for work
My hubby calling me during his brief lunch break to tell me he loves me
Puppy kisses every morning from Gracie & Buddha, they hear my alarm go off and they know to wait until I lay my thermometer down before they can get in my face - they are so smart!
Checking my blog/facebook/twitter and receiving such sweet and encouraging comments
Listening to 80s music while I do chores and take my shower and hearing a really good song I completely forgot about
My hubby calling me every day just after he leaves work to tell me he's on his way home
That big hug and kiss hubs gives me as soon as he walks in the door from work - every single day
A really hot shower with good smelly body wash
Forgetting that it's payday and realizing that we were paid (wahoo!)
Climbing into bed with my husband and cuddling

For my list of 10 Deserving Blogs:

A real life friend, Anna (she's not an IF'er but still deserving of this award for her blog)
A + B, wating for C
A Mum At Heart
Busted Plumbing
Diary of A Stork Stalker
Fertility Chick
Finding Family With Empty Arms
Inconceivable
No Lingerie Here
Trying To Get Knocked Up By Another Man

Enjoy!

My 1st Night Using Circle+Bloom

2010-02-21T09:32:00.001-05:00

Last night as I laid down to sleep, I listened to the intro and day 1 programs of Circle+Bloom. It was one of the most relaxing experiences I have EVER had! If it does nothing for my fertility (which I'm pretty sure it will!) it at the very least improved my sleep with just the first use! I like to lay in bed at night and reply my day, over and over again. What if I did this instead? What could I have done differently? What do I need to do tomorrow? OMG, what will happen if I don't get this done? Can we pay all the bills this month? Laundry needs to be done! Am I falling behind on work? I wish I was skinny! Why can't I have a baby? Etc, etc, etc. And I toss and turn for hours before falling to sleep out of pure exhaustion. Every. Single. Night.

Not last night baby!

As soon as the program was over, I placed my iPod on the bedside table and that is literally the last thing I remember. I didn't even wake up once in the middle of the night. Next thing I know, my alarm was going off for me to take my BBT. I feel so refreshed this morning, my back doesn't even hurt as bad as it did yesterday!

Circle+Bloom has become my new bedtime routine! You have got to get yourself a copy of this program!

It's Like Christmas Morn!

2010-02-20T19:19:00.000-05:00

Look what I got in the mail today:

It's the iPod Shuffle & Full Circle + Bloom Program that I won from the giveaway that Kate @ Busted Reviews did recently! Thank you so much Kate!!!!!

I'm so excited to start using the program, I've heard such awesome things about it! I will definitely be blogging about this a lot so be forewarned! :-) I've listened to the free trial that you can pick up here (if you haven't yet, you really outta!) and I know this is going to not only improve my sleep, but reduce stress and allow my husband and I to relax enough to make a healthy baby very soon!

I also want to thank Joanne @ Circle + Bloom for sending my gift out so quickly! I look forward to sharing a success story with her very soon!

To make this awesome day even more awesome, I spent most of it playing with my Stampin' Up! supplies creating a card for my Mom's 50th birthday and one of the make and takes for my workshop next weekend.

Here's the card I made my Mom - isn't it pretty??

Now the hubs and I are chillin' at home, he's watching "Blow" and I'm going to play with some digital graphics. I have been working on another blog that displays my digital art and I'll share the link with everyone once I have it up and running.

Have a fantastic night! --xxx--

Hooray for Saturday!

2010-02-20T08:26:00.000-05:00

FMU HPT: BFN [poo]

My HSG is scheduled for Monday and the dr. is aware of how light AF was so maybe they'll do a blood test first. I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant but I'd sure hate to find out after the HSG that I am. That would really, really upset me.

Otherwise, I'm doing good. Hoping that the Clomid from last cycle still has some influence over my body and allows me to ovulate and begin AF naturally this month. I'm terrified of Provera and do NOT want to take it.

Since the hubs is working today (makin' that overtime!!), I'm going to prepare for my Stampin' Up! workshop. It's scheduled for next Sat. That means I get to play with glue, glitter, scissors, ink and paper! woohoo!! Betcha didn't even know I was into that!

Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Calling for Recipes!

2010-02-19T09:41:00.000-05:00

Meghan over at "Finding Family With Empty Arms" is collecting recipes for a fundraiser to help support a new organization she's starting called Lost Stork Foundation. This organization will provide financial assistance to families suffering from fertility issues. She needs less than 60 more recipes to reach her goal of 175 by April 1st. You can leave your recipe here as a comment (and I will be sure she gets it) or you may visit her site, and leave it with her.

Thank you so much for you help!! Please retweet/repost/reblog -- whatever you can do to help get the word out!

Stupid Cyst!

2010-02-18T08:17:00.000-05:00

This stupid cyst I have is really a pain in the ovary. Literally. And last night I had a headache from hell. And I had the worst night of sleep that I've had in a very long time.

Now explain this to me, would this cyst interfere with AF so much that it's almost nonexistent? If you remember, at the beginning of this cycle I had a day of brown spotting that I didn't count as cd1 since it wasn't a bright red flow. Cd1 I had that, but it was still only when I wiped and usually only when I had a BM (which I tend to have more of when I'm on AF). cd2 was a bit heavier of a flow but not much. Still never soaked a single pad like I normally do several times per day. cd3 & 4 was basically light brown barely there spotting. Today, cd5 it's pretty much gone completely. I've never had a period like this.

And my bbs are SO sore. They usually feel better by cd1, not this cycle.

This stupid cyst sucks. The only good thing is it gives us time to get our ducks in order before moving on with this new RE and his grand plan.

Speaking of the grand plan, I found out yesterday that our insurance covers up to $12,500 for a lifetime of fertility rx and treatments. It even includes IVF but I am really hoping we won't have to even consider that option.

Now, Celine's story is getting ready to be on GMA so I've gotta skidaddle.

Happy Birthday Erica!!

2010-02-18T07:00:00.019-05:00

Happy Birthday Erica!!!

May your day be very special!

Please go by her site and send her your love!

1st Appt. with the RE

2010-02-17T10:29:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry I didn't update my blog yesterday afternoon but we didn't get home until very late last night. We ended up going to dinner & a movie with my family.

The appt. yesterday went pretty well! I really like The Jones Institute, everyone we encountered was very, very kind and helpful. My husband was able to take off from work to go with me, this was the first time he had attended any of my appts. They ended up having both of us fill out new patient paperwork and they treated us both like patients, not just me. I really liked that, it helped Chris feel more involved in the process.

We had a consultation with an associate doctor, she wanted to know "our story", how long we've been ttc, what we've tried, she wanted to discuss the meds I've been on and how I dealt with them, etc, etc, etc. She had the bloodwork and information from my appts. with both OBGYNs I have seen in the last 6 months. She kept saying all of my bloodwork looked "good." I asked her about the AMH and she said that it's within the normal range. I then asked about the Clomid Challenge that was done this last cycle and she said it looked good, too. In fact, she mentioned that Dr. O may want to put me back on Clomid since I've been ovulating and my bloodwork looked so good. Why was my OBGYN telling me that all my bloodwork was bad?? That my ovarian reserve was low border-line and that the Clomid Challenge shows I don't respond to Clomid??? That's why I'm with an RE now.

She had us go down the hall for an ultrasound. Dr. O finally joined us and he said my uterus looks really good (yay!) and then one ovary (can't remember which one) had a few small cysts, nothing to worry about. The other ovary I have a 4cm cyst. Yes, I said centimeter. I got dressed and we joined Dr. O in his office for more disscussion.

Dr. O said the cyst will prevent him from prescribing any meds this month. He hopes that it will dissolve on its own. He said it's good news that 50mg of Clomid made me ovulate, that the 100mg was probably just too much stimulation for me and caused the cyst. I didn't have any last cycle after 50mg so we can only assume.

Anyway - He told me he wanted all of my bloodwork done again (LH, FSH, Estradiol, and a few others) since it happened to be cd3. He discussed with us our options and the plan he had for us.

We discussed Letrizole (Femera) & Follitropin Alfa (Gonal F Injectible). Based on what our insurance covers, we will decide which to do beginning next cycle. Hopefully I will ovulate this cycle on my own (am continuing to chart!) and I won't have to worry about taking Provera to bring AF on at the end of the cycle. I had a terrible experience with Provera years ago.

Starting next cycle, he wants to add Ovidrel to the mix, to trigger ovulation and Progesterone after ovulation. He gave me like 10 samples of the progesterone plus a prescription. The progesterone is Crinone (anyone use this one before?). He wants me to do it 2x/day.

I fessed up and told Dr. O that I don't take my metformin regularly because it makes me so sick. So he told me to stop taking it (odd I thought - but I was happy to oblige) and he told me just to take prenatals daily at this point.

I am scheduled for an HSG next Monday at 1:30. He said it's just protocal for new patients and has no reason to believe there's anything wrong. I've got my antibiotic to begin taking the day before so I'm set.

Dr. O told my DH to make an appt. to have a semen analysis done. They managed to get him an appt. like 10 minutes after we were finished with Dr. O so we took care of that, too. It'll take 7-10 business days for the results of that to come back.

This cycle, he gave us the green light. He said we can do timed intercourse and are welcome to get pregnant, it just won't be with any meds. I'm really ok with that, it gives us a chance to get all of this bloodwork back and so we know for sure where we stand with insurance so we can make a decision.

If we go with Femera, we'll be monitoring regularly with ultrasounds and bloodwork (pretty similar to what I was doing with the Clomid). If we do the injections, I'll be up there much more often for monitoring. (I say "up there" because it's about an hour north of here)

So - I think that's the full update, I hope I didn't miss anything. I am feeling very hopeful that Dr. O can get us pregnant :)

I WON!!!!! I won, I won, I won, I won!!!

2010-02-15T13:20:00.000-05:00

Remember when I entered this giveaway recently that Kate over at BustedPlumbing Reviews was hosting?

The prize is an iPod Shuffle pre-loaded with the Circle+Bloom fertility relaxation program... and guess what? I just found out that I WON!!!!!!!!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

How exciting!!!!!!!!!!! I never win anything!

Thank you Kate & Circle+Bloom!

More Bad News UPDATED with some good news

2010-02-15T10:02:00.002-05:00

On Jan 19th, when I last saw my dr. and got the awful news about the Clomid Challenge, he had blood draw to test my AMH.

Anti-mullerian hormone, or AMH, is a protein released by the ovaries and is related to the development of follicles in the ovary. Blood work to check AMH levels may be done as a part of fertility testing.

AMH levels correspond to the number of antral follicles, which can be used to indicate the number of eggs available in the ovaries. A very low level of AMH may indicate poor ovarian reserves. A very high level of AMH may correspond to PCOS.

I just got a phone call from his nurse with the results. She told me he said I'm "borderline" and need to make an appt. with an RE asap to discuss the results. I can't afford an appt. with an RE. I finally got her to spill the beans and give me the actual result and she said it's 1.9

I have no clue what that means and all the information online about it is vague. Does anyone have any information about what my results could mean? Is this just another reason to add to the list of why I'm not getting pregnant?

*UPDATE*
After freaking out, I decided to go ahead and call the Jones Institute for Reproductive Medicine in Norfolk, Virginia (about an hour from home). I wanted to know what it would cost to at least have a consult with an RE. The lady who I spoke with was so nice and willing to assist me. She told me that the consult is $190 but that Blue Cross/Blue Shield covers that and all lab tests!!!

Then, she gave me even better news - she has an appt that just came available for tomorrow @ 9am! And it's with their DIRECTOR! She said that IUI would cost $195 plus $110 for the wash so that's not nearly as bad as I was thinking it would be. We could work with that. I was so relieved when she started setting up the appt for tomorrow that I began bawling on the phone! I'm certain that she is used to that kind of response but it is such a relief to actually be able to get in with an RE and to actually be seen so quickly. How's that for service?

I know that I'm just opening a whole new can of worms by going to see an RE but at least we'll be moving in a positive direction. I may not be doing soy this cycle after all. I may just end up starting injects if that's what he recommends. *fingers crossed* Please pray for me!

V-Day Surprise

2010-02-14T11:06:00.000-05:00

Oh what a great way to wake up on Valentine's Day - with AF staring you in the face after playing games with me all day yesterday. Well Happy V-Day to you too, ya bitch.

Well....

2010-02-13T23:38:00.000-05:00

About noon today (Sat) I went to the bathroom and there was AF, light flow but bright red on the tissue.

Then, a couple hours later, I went to the bathroom and there was nothing on the pad, nothing when I wiped and nothing when I checked "up there" (tmi??).

Another couple of hours passed and I went back to the bathroom and there was a small smear of light brown on the tissue and nothing on the pad. WTF???

So I took a $ store HPT at about 11pm (because that was the first chance I had after buying it - we were at my parents all evening) and it was a BFN.

No cramping, nothing. My bbs are still sore (they usually feel normal again once AF arrives) and I've been full of energy today.

So now what? I bought an extra HPT so I can do FMU when I wake tomorrow. This is so odd, it is certainly not normal for me. And it's a BIG CRUEL JOKE to play on someone who is trying so hard to get pregnant, who wants nothing more than to have a baby. It's not bad enough when month after month AF arrives, but then you gotta throw in the late arrivals, spotting and negative tests. Oh what fun it is!

D'oh!

2010-02-13T07:34:00.002-05:00

So this morning, my temp is 1/10 of a degree higher than yesterday.

see chart here

Today is day 1 of my missed period.

Yes, I said MISSED PERIOD.

And I'm a complete ~~idiot~~ ~~dumbass~~ ~~stupid f*ck~~ moron.

I was so convinced AF was arriving this morning that GUESS WHAT?!?!

I didn't buy an HPT for this morning!!!

PS: I want to say thank you to each one of you for your kind and supporting words of encouragement you left over the last couple of days. I never imagined anyone would read my blog much less come back and read it but what I really never imagined was all the support I'd get from complete strangers. Thank you, from the VERY bottom of my heart. I love you all!

Happy Birthday Aleh!!!

2010-02-13T07:00:00.002-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEH!!!

Please visit Aleh today and wish her a special day!

Goodbye

2010-02-12T10:18:00.003-05:00

I'm crushed.

My temp tanked to the EXACT same temp it has been on the last day of my LP the prior 2 cycles.

Today is the last day ~~of hope~~ before my period starts.

It's all over.
After 3 cycles of Clomid I've reached a brick wall.

Why does money even have to be a factor here?

The End

2010-02-11T08:39:00.001-05:00

At this point of my cycle (15 dpo, 2 days from testing) I am beginning to become really worried. I've seen a handful of women on the SC forum and on other blogs get BFPs just this week. It gives me hope but it just reminds me that I am probably not going to get mine. The really scary part is if this isn't our cycle, we are on a forced break for a long, long time (I'm talking years). I've done 3 rounds of Clomid and my first doctor didn't want me going beyond one cycle (he thought I was allergic to it) and my 2nd doctor did bloodwork early this cycle (Clomid Challenge) that determined the Clomid should have never gone beyond the 1st month because I just don't respond to it.

The Clomid did help me regulate my cycle though. I had not seen AF since Dec 3 2008 then after taking Clomid Nov 3 - 7 2009, AF arrived Dec 5 2009!! Without provera! That's exciting ... but will my body go back to nonfunctioning after I am off the Clomid? That's just depressing.

I can't stop temping, it's an obsession, an addiction, something that gives me a reason to wake up in the morning but I'm sure it'll just drive me crazy because it won't be normal.

My life has been completely taken over by my fertility the since mid-October 2009. That's on top of the 10 years I've known about it but didn't do much to help it. What am I going to do in 2 days when I no long have the hope that *this* could be my month? What am I going to do in 2 days when I realize that my dream of being a mom has probably just been swept out from under me forever?

Happy Birthday Chelle!!!

2010-02-11T07:00:00.010-05:00

A Very Happy Birthday to Chelle!

Please stop by her site and wish her a special day!

I'm still in!

2010-02-10T10:19:00.000-05:00

14dpo and my temp jumped up from that low point it was at yesterday. Phew. This 2ww has had me in heartattack mode more than once! Good thing it'll be over in just a few ~~short~~ days. Look!

13dpo...

2010-02-09T10:01:00.000-05:00

...and my temp dropped below the coverline. My LP should still have 3 more days left to it so I guess it's possible the temp can go back up again but what little hope I had has really been crushed.

In the past, I've had another fresh new cycle to look forward to but not in this case. If we don't get our BFP this cycle...
we're out.
For a long time.
Until further notice.

Right now, we just cannot afford seeing an RE, we cannot afford the injections and IUI the last Dr. recommended. So now what do we do?

Phew!

2010-02-08T10:10:00.001-05:00

I was really beginning to get nervous about my temps. With my LP being 16 days, I'm waiting for 17dpo to test so I was alittle concerned when on 10dpo, my temp dropped and 11dpo it remained low. But as of this morning (12dpo) it's back up again! I'm still in the game!!!

I know my chart still looks a little funny but as compared to my last 3 cycles, it looks pretty normal for me. Now let's just see if I can stand to wait another 5 days to test!! Ugh, why does my 2ww have to be 17 days???

An Award!

2010-02-05T08:20:00.000-05:00

Look!

I'm so excited!

I have never received a blogging award before and this morning I learned that I have been nominated by both Waiting and Secret D for the same award - how cool is that?

So, the following are the instructions for accepting this nomination:

Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
Copy the award and place it in your blog.
Link the person who nominated you for this award.
Tell us 7 interesting things about you.
Nominate 7 bloggers.
Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

7 Interesting Things About Myself

I grew up as a military brat; I was born in NC and moved to Alaska when I was four. Every 3 to 4 years we moved back and forth between the two. I ended up spending my senior year of high school in Alaska after the first 3 years of high school in NC so I have two graduating classes I'm a member of and twice the friends!
I have visited all but 5 of the 50 states. Traveling as a child, we always took the family van and drove. We never flew to our destination. I saw more of the U.S. and Western Canada by the time I was 12 than most adults have in their entire life.
I'm a musician. I play several different instruments and have since I was 11 years old. I even have a treble clef tattooed behind my right ear.
I've been married 3 times (and it was all by the time I was 27!). The first was right out of high school at 18 and lasted five years (emotional abuse situation); the 2nd was a rebound and just 2 months after my divorce we were married; the relationship lasted about 2 months. I took a lot of time off from the dating scene and reintroduced myself to me and found TRUE love (the real kind!) when I wasn't even looking. It took me almost two years after falling in love with him to get married and now after 2+ years of marriage, I cannot imagine my life without him. If it wasn't for all the crap I have been through, I never would have met my husband. Everything really does happen for a reason, good or bad.
I have 5 tattoos but one is completely covered by another. I got it done with an ex and couldn't bare seeing it so I had it covered with a very large naked fairy on my back. It was fully exposed during my wedding which I'm sure bothered a lot of people.
I started trying to get pregnant (read: I came off the pill) when I was just shy of 19, in Nov 1999. There were some years in the middle that I was actively trying to not get pregnant but for the most part, for the last 10 years off/on I've been wanting to start a family. I've gone through many, many doctors to get to the point I'm at and I feel like I'm still at the beginning.
I'm really not a girlie girl. I like jeans, comfy tees and a pair of flip flops over anything feminine. I rarely wear makeup although when I do, it's Mary Kay. The only real feminine hobby I have is rubber stamping. I'm a Stampin' Up! demonstrator and can spend hours at a time hand creating greeting cards for those that I love.

Now that you know a little bit more about me, I am going to nominate 7 women for this awesome award. I know this award has been around the block probably a few times so I apologize if I nominate you and you've already received it ...

Jennifer @ Soul Cyster
AplusB @ A + B, Waiting for C
Natalie @ A Mum @ Heart
Jill @ Hubby, Baby and Me... would make 3
Jenicini @ Trying to Get Knocked Up By Another Man
Chelle @ Once An Infertile
Susannah @ Painting Chef

So if you're on this list, I'll be notifying you :)

Oh well, she's not human

2010-02-04T10:20:00.003-05:00

Disclaimer: I'm pissed.

One of the main reasons I blog about my troubles with infertility and am an active member of the SoulCysters forum is because of the compassion and understanding that we all share with one another. There is something special about sharing your ups and downs and all things in between with someone who knows what you are going through.

One of the main reasons I don't talk about it much on my FB page is because most people don't understand. True, it isn't their fault they don't have problems conceiving but I do believe it's in their power to be just a little bit understanding or compassionate when it comes to situations like mine or yours.

That said, why the HELL would someone say "oh well" when I mention to them I'm having troubles ttc?? I cannot wrap my mind around what could possibly allow a person (a woman!) to say something like this to me. Especially when her own daughter has had trouble getting pregnant (she just announced she's 8 wks along).

"Oh well" is appropriate in many situations. For example:

When it rains on a Saturday, I often say "oh well"
When my favorite prime time tv show gets pre-empted by a speech from the president, I might say "oh well"
When my dog chooses to sleep next to my husband instead of me, I would say "oh well"

But when someone asks me when I plan to start a family and I tell them I've ass deep in fertility treatments and we're working on it as best we can - the appropriate response is NOT "oh well..." Are you stupid? Oh wait, you must not be human.

Have any of you ever seen the t-shirt that reads "who are all these kids and why are they calling me mom"? Yeah, I had to sit across the table from that for an hour this morning while trying to explain to her why it's neglectful to not be meeting the needs of her young child.

It's only 10am and it's going to be a GREAT day.

On a more positive note: my temps are looking marvelous this morning. My hope has increased so I guess it's time to update the ol' hopes-of-baby meter to a '7'.

Note the change to my blog title. I was laying in bed last night trying to think of a new name (I didn't like Journey to Mommyhood, it's too boring) so I thought of "Confessions of a TTC-a-holic" because let's face it, it's all I think about, it's all I do anymore and it's all I want. So yeah. It fits. And I'm making a lot of confessions on this page. Telling all my tales of what's going on down there is not something I do to just anybody. Ya'll should feel special!

Circle+Bloom Giveaway!

2010-02-03T21:17:00.000-05:00

If you haven't heard of Circle+Bloom, you should definitely check them out! It's a relaxation program specifically geared to de-stressing us infertiles.
And while you're at it, check out this review by Busted Plumbing then follow the directions to be entered to win a FREE iPod Shuffle preloaded with the Circle+Bloom program! You can also download a free trial!

Don't forget to sign up for my Birthday Club here
If you don't know what I'm talking about, click here!

My first Scrap Kit!

2010-02-02T14:48:00.005-05:00

have been wanting to get into creating digital scrapbooking kits, I've always had a knack for digital graphics. It's always been a hobby of mine to make digital images so I figured why not? Here's my first try at creating a digital scrap kit, if you would like to have the kit for yourself, please leave a comment and I'll send you the link where you can download it.

The name of the kit is "My Valentine"

and includes the following:

6 patterned papers

1 sheet of vellum

4 buttons

1 verticle staple

1 horizontal staple

4 ribbons

1 sraight pin

1 curly embellishment

1 flower embellisment

1 heart embellishment

3 text embellishments

This kit is for personal use only! It may not be shared or redistributed. You may not claim the work as your own.

You may use the kit to create digital scrapbook pages and headers for your personal blog. Resizing the images is allowed but other alterations is not.

Don't forget to sign up for my Birthday Club
If you don't know what I'm talking about, click here!

3 DPO!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-30T07:44:00.002-05:00

It's true! FF finally put up my crosshairs - and they are on cd20 (just like last cycle!) - yay! I'm so relieved. And it's snowing to beat the band outside! It's so beautiful and relaxing. And now I can chill about my body. Just 13 more days (my LP has been 16 days each Clomid Cycle)... until testing!

Don't forget to sign up for my Birthday Club
If you don't know what I'm talking about, click here!

This is SO confusing!

2010-01-29T07:54:00.001-05:00

I'm so confused! (what else is new, right?)

I have an overlay of my last 3 cycles below. Green is my 1st Clomid Cycle, Purple is my 2nd Clomid Cycle & Teal is my 3rd and current Cycle on Clomid.

You'll notice that during the green (1st) cycle I ovulated on cd16 (noted by the green box) & during the purple (2nd) cycle, I ovulated on cd20 (noted by the purple box). Currently I am cd22 on the teal cycle and trying to decide if and when I have ovulated.

When looking at my teal cycle alone, it is a MESS. But when overlayed with my last 2 cycles, you can see some similarities. Note for example, the 3 gold circles. Those were the high temps just after ovulation. My teal temp is right there with them. And if you look at the purple box, you'll see that my low point temp (at ovulation) just before that spike is just .1 of a degree lower than my low point on the teal cycle!

Of course FF won't put a crosshair on the chart for a few more days and with my 0.1 degree drop this morning, it'll make it even more confusing.

But I'm thinking that I probably ovulated yesterday comparing it to my prior cycle temps around ovulation. Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better but that's what it looks like to me ... *shrug*
Hopefully I'll show some crosshairs in the next couple of days. Apparently my OPKs are no help this cycle. Although I had a dream last night that I got a positive and was confused as to whether ot not it was an OPK or HPT! I knew in my dream I didn't know when I ovulated so I was hoping it was an HPT! lol...

I just turned on Good Morning America and the first story headline I hear is "Women lose 90% of their eggs by the time they are 30; find out how this affects women who are waiting to start a family. Are your best childbearing years behind you, at the age of 30?" OH THANKS A LOT! Just what I want to hear first thing this morning. Of course the first commercial they play shows a pregnant woman and then one with a child's birthday party. Is the world out to get my today?!?!?!

We're under a winter storm warning for the weekend; bring on the snow. I need some peacefulness.

cd18 Already?

2010-01-25T06:30:00.004-05:00

So DH & I tried PreSeed for the first time last night. I've heard really good things about it and so I wanted to try it; I scored 2 free samples and wanted to save them for when I was getting closer to o'ing. Since I believe it's just around the corner, we busted out the instructions and gave it a ~~shot~~ try!

I liked how it felt ... apparently he did not. He said it reduced friction and lowered sensation for him. That's not good. So, I guess we won't be using that 2nd free sample. -poo-

Is it really cd18 already?

My temp had to be taken about an hour early today b/c I just couldn't go back to sleep after DH left for work. I tried but no luck. I expected to see a slightly lower temp but not this low. I'm hoping this gradual drop in temp is just gearing me up for that nice rise in the next couple of days!!

Question for ya'll: Tomorrow I will be getting out of bed around 3 a.m. My MIL is having surgery and we're all going to the hospital for the day. I plan to go to bed early this evening so I should get the normal 8 hrs of sleep before waking. So do I trust the temp I take in the morning when I normally temp at 7?

Oh, don't forget to sign up for my Birthday Club! If you don't know what I'm talking about, click here!
Grab the badge for your blog!

Hurry up and wait...

2010-01-24T21:44:00.002-05:00

I'm still waiting to 'o'... I have to say it's much easier than the 2ww but not knowing exactly when it's going to happen makes it difficult since I don't really have a date to count down to. Two cycles ago (my first Clomid cycle), I ovulated on cd16. Last cycle I didn't ovulate until cd20. I'm cd17 today and still getting -OPKs.

And the fun part? As soon as I'm done waiting - I get to wait some more (2ww)!!! wahoo!

Oh, don't forget to sign up for my Birthday Club! If you don't know what I'm talking about, click here!

Spread the Love!!!!!

2010-01-24T10:26:00.001-05:00

As a member of the IF family, I know what it feels like to need some love and encouragement from others who are going through the same. Since I am new to this online community, I wanted to help show my love for everyone.

So I was racking my brain, trying to think of a way we could each spread the love to one another, something different than was already out there. Then it just hit me! Everyone has a birthday each year and it's always been important to me to make sure that everyone I love has a special birthday, that they realize just how important they are to me. So why not start a birthday club for members of the IF community so that we can be sure nobody is forgotten on their special day!

All I need is for each of you to click the button below & fill out the form to be added to the list. I will announce upcoming birthdays at the beginning of each week. You are encouraged to visit each birthday girl on her special day to send her lots of loving birthday wishes! Easy enough, right?

I also ask that everyone help spread the word! Please click here to get the code needed for the Birthday Club Button so you can add it to your page!

Busted Libs!

2010-01-23T10:55:00.004-05:00

How fun! Here's a fun new way to play Mad Libs (kudos to Kate @ "Busted Plubming" for starting this!).

Here is my list of words:

1. Article of clothing: socks
2. Article of clothing: bra
3. Body part: toes
4. Body part: butt
5. Emotion: fear
6. Action verb: BD
7. Emotion: happy
8. Emotion: excited
9. Adverb: eagerly
10. Adverb: quickly
11. Body part: ear
12. Body part: belly button

To participate, click here.

Unless you've done yours already or don't plan to participate, STOP HERE! Otherwise, read on for for my completed masterpiece!

Step 1: Consider wearing a hooded [socks] or [bra] with the hood pulled over your head. When people can't really see your [toes], they are more wary of approaching you. With your hood up and your [toes] down, you become and unknown quantity on the streets.

Step 2: Look people in the [butt] if they approach you. Looking away is always viewed as a sign of [fear]. Feeling safe is a matter of displaying confidence.

Step 3: Talk to yourself as you [BD]. When people think that you are mentally unstable, they have a tendency to leave you alone. This may sound funny, but making people [happy] before you allow them to make you [excited] is a valuable weapon when you have no other defense.

Step 4: Walk [eagerly] and [quickly] without smiling. Walk tall with your [ear] back and [belly button] out, exuding confidence that you may not feel. Even if you are lost, look and walk like you know where you are and where you are going. Confidence is the most intimidating thing that you possess under these circumstances.

$Ch*rleen

Sock It To Me!

2010-01-22T18:35:00.001-05:00

Calling all Strong & Brave Women of IF!

You've got only until Sunday, January 24th to sign up for the Winter 2010 Round of Sock It To Me, sponsored by Kimberli over at "I'm A Smart One"!! This is such a cool way to share your love with other women battling IF by swapping socks! So far there are over 70 who have signed up! The more the merrier so please check it out by clicking on the Sock It To Me banner above!

$Ch*rleen

My Photography Blog

2010-01-22T09:20:00.003-05:00

I started a 2010 Project 365 to get more exposure for my photography, please stop by and check it out; feel free to leave comments and critiques, I can only grow further!
http://photos-by-c.blogspot.com/

$Ch*rleen

2010-01-21T09:00:00.010-05:00

Welcome ICLW'ers!

This is my 2nd month doing IComLeavWe; I really enjoyed my first time around back in Dec 2009. In fact, I earned the Iron Commenter Award by visiting & commenting on every blog on the list. I enjoyed meeting other brave women who are going through similar battles as I. I made new connections and got some amazing support and advice. I look forward to the Jan 2010 edition of ICLW!

To get to know me just a little, try reading my One Hundred Things [a list of 100 things about me].

$Ch*rleen

U/S & Bloodwork...

2010-01-20T07:52:00.001-05:00

I had my mid-cycle u/s yesterday (cd12).
Endo thickness: 9.2mm
Right Ovary: 11.0mm follie
Left Ovary: 14.3mm follie

Last month, on cd14 the largest follie was only 12mm and I ovulated on cd20. I'm thinking I might ovulate sooner than last month which is to be expected since I'm on a higher dose of Clomid this cycle.

Now, for the Clomid Challenge Bloodwork ...

CD4
Estradiol 36.0
FSH: 5.5
LH: 3.1

CD10
Estradiol 60.1
FSH: 8.4

Apparently my FSH should have decreased and my estradiol should have been much, much higher. The doctor said this "challenge" basically shows that Clomid isn't working for me. I'm confused b/c since I've been taking it, I've been having periods again (no provera used) and I know I ovulated last month b/c of +OPK and temp rise.

He told me he was referring me to a an RE and that our next option is injectibles. For some, this may not be such terrible news but for my husband and I, it feels like the end of the world because we can't afford to send me to an RE nor can we afford the $1500-$3000 per cycle for injections on top of the cost of IUI or IVF. Timed intercourse would be risky considering the cost of the injectibles. We are both pretty devastated at this point. Today is cd13 and we need to start thinking about possibly ovulating. It's not going to be easy with this weighing heavy on our minds.

$Ch*rleen

Another Year Older...

2010-01-14T09:01:00.006-05:00

A few things have happened since I last posted, but most importantly, I turned 29! Crazy how much that scares me. I've put this crazy deadline on myself, to become a mom by the time ~~my DH is 30~~ I'm 30. I know I'm just setting myself up for complete and utter disappointment but I can't help but think that there's no way I'm going to leave the 20s behind childless. It's mid-January already, I'm cd7 today and *hopeful*. If I conceive this month, I'll be due mid-late October. That only leaves 2 more cycles to conceive and have a baby before my impending 30th birthday (Jan 13 2011). That really puts a sense of urgency on the task at hand.

And in other news...

I had my baseline b/w & u/s on Monday (cd4). Everything on the u/s looked really good, the Dr. even mentioned that the pattern and size of what cysts I do have are not what you typically expect to see in a PCOS patient. He said I don't have a bad case of it. That's really good news. I'm looking forward to what the b/w will tell us. I go back for more b/w this Sun (cd10) and will have another u/s on Tues (cd12). Hopefully we will see some growing follies with some potential!

He increased my Clomid to 100mg from the 50mg I took the first two rounds. I started taking them cd5 in the evening as I have done before. That seems to help, I don't really get any side effects from the Clomid. The 100mg may be a different story but let's hope not!

$Ch*rleen

A New Beginning

2010-01-08T07:40:00.003-05:00

Thank you for your kind words and support but AF greeted me first thing this morning. I'm still really confused because of all those signs I was experiencing but I guess my body doesn't work all that great to begin with, why would I expect it to fit the normal mold of pregnancy?

I'm ok with it though; it allows my mind to relax and I can give my poor fingers a break from obsessively searching google for early pregnancy symptoms. Sure, I'm bummed but I'm not freaking out.

I have an appointment scheduled for Monday morning at 9:30 (2 hours away!) to do my baseline ultrasound and Clomid Challenge blood work. And the dr. wants to increase to 100mg of Clomid this month. Since I am pretty sure I ovulated, I wonder what else might need to be done?

$Ch*rleen

Now what?

2010-01-06T08:50:00.000-05:00

Last night my body played a cruel, cruel joke on me. After taking my 2 1/2 hr nap yesterday and feeling kinda yucky for the rest of the day then getting a mild yet aggravating headache last night I had to run to the bathroom and throw up (in the sink b/c DH was peeing)!!! It's like heartburn hit me all of a sudden, I coughed up some nasty acid like something and then it hit me... I made it to the sink just in time. So am I coming down with the flu or am I pregnant? This morning my stomach feels empty (to be expected since I haven't eaten since before getting sick last night) but my stomach muscles feel like I did a thousand sit ups overnight. I have another mild headache this morning too. And let's not forget the extremely painful bbs. No raised Montgomery glands (I don't think ... not really sure what I'm looking for but didn't have this when I was pregnant before).

I didn't test this morning (15dpo). I plan to retest in a few days if AF doesn't rear her ugly head. I won't be getting b/w done for a quant or qual because my dr is 2 1/2 hrs away. I'll wait a little longer and retest. If still bfn, then I will make an appt for the b/w.

$Ch*rleen

14dpo and...

2010-01-05T13:47:00.000-05:00

...still BFN. STILL. No sign at all of AF. I actually took a nap this morning. I woke up at 7 a.m. and by 9 I was passed out on the sofa and didn't wake for 2 1/2 hours. I'm full of hope but it's beginning to shrink some...

$Ch*rleen

BFN again...

2010-01-04T11:06:00.000-05:00

I'm 13dpo (cd33) and took another HPT this morning and got yet another BFN. I'm technically not supposed to start testing until tomorrow or the next day so maybe I am still too early to get that BFN.

I took my temp this morning and one thermometer gave me 97.0 and the other gave me 98.3; what's that all about? I charted the 98.3 because it sounds more accurate and of course it looks a little more promising...
The intense pressure in my lower abdomen is gone but my bbs are still tender to the touch. I will be testing again in the morning; if it's negative I will just sit and wait.

$Ch*rleen

No News Is Good News?

2010-01-03T19:23:00.002-05:00

I was away for the weekend visiting grandparents and the room I was sleeping in was rather cold so I didn't bother temping the two mornings I was there; I did however, start taking HPTs (the $ store kind) and they were both of course, negative. But I took them on cd11 & cd12 (yesterday & today). I'm really hoping tomorrow (cd13) will be my day because 13 is my lucky number!

The HPTs I bought are sensitive to 25mIU/ml so they are more sensitive than say your typical drugstore $19 brands. I bought five and the checkout girl was cute, she told me "you only need one, they work just as well as the others do." I had to laugh, I explained to her that I wanted to start testing early, that I've been trying for ten years off and on and so I needed several. She looked at me like I was crazy. *shrug* She was maybe 18. She told the bagger that she didn't have to worry about that because she didn't want children. Gee, thanks for that bit of info.

Symptoms, in bulleted form:

Beginning about 5dpo, my bbs began feeling a little sore.
7dpo and ever day since, I have been very bloated
I've had heartburn off/on
Also since 7dpo, I've been a little more gassy than normal

I'm really hoping I'll get good news soon!! This 2ww is driving me crazy!!!

I will start temping again first thing tomorrow morning.

$Ch*rleen

Starting 2010 off right...

2010-01-01T11:12:00.001-05:00

Implantation Dip!

So today is cd30 or 10dpo. I am pretty positive what my temp did yesterday was the infamous Implantation Dip (click the link to learn more)!! How exciting is that? At 10dpo, I'm getting more and more anxious to test. In fact, we're going to see a load of family from my dad's side this weekend, we leave this afternoon to drive down. It would be such an amazing thing to be able to test Sunday morning (@12dpo) and give everyone the good news in person. But then again, I'd hate to be a crying mess in front of all those folks if it's a BFN. So, maybe I can wait it out. Where we are going is out in the middle of nowhere and it would be really difficult to just run out and buy a test so hopefully that will help curb any sudden desire to test. Tues is 14dpo, that's my goal at this point.

So - happy new year everyone! It's really hard to believe '09 is already gone. Hell, it's almost noon and I can't believe the first 12 hrs of the new year are already behind us. I can tell already that this year is going to fly by fast, too. I hope everyone had a safe and exciting New Year's Eve! I did - with my glass of Fre (alcohol-removed Wine). It was yummy, tasted just like grape juice! lol... but at least I fit in with all the others who were drinking. I did have a few sips of champagne at midnight...

$Ch*rleen

Temping Malfunction

2009-12-30T08:53:00.002-05:00

I normally don't get up in the middle of the night to pee unless it's around the time Chris gets up to get ready for work (about 4 a.m.) but since he's been off for the holidays, I haven't been doing that. I've been sleeping right through to 7 when my alarm goes off to temp.

Not this morning. No, I had to wake up at 5am with a full bladder! So I rushed to the bathroom and went back to bed realizing then that it would only be 2 hrs of "resting time" before I would be temping. I woke back up at 7 and took my temp. It was 99.0; a little high and probably due to the fact I had only been resting those 2 hrs - that and the dog was laid right up against me and I was a little on the warm side (even though it was only 65 degrees in the room!) So I reset my alarm for 8 and went back to sleep. I took my temp again and it was 98.3 at 8am. I know it's still not completely accurate b/c I did wake up at 7 and temp but I didn't get out of bed so I was still technically kinda/sorta resting. So I know my chart entry for today is all messed up. I will probably disregard it on FF after I enter tomorrow's temp. It's so frustrating! I was hoping to see my temps come back up again today but this is ridiculous! So, now I have to wait another day to see what my temps do. Maybe I should stop temping. But then again, it's giving me something to look forward to everyday.

$Ch*rleen

I'm going crazy!

2009-12-29T11:14:00.004-05:00

7dpo and counting...

My bbs are so sore today, they are hard and itchy too. I read that you can't get pregnancy symptoms at this point, that it's mostly likely from the high levels of progesterone after ovulation that causes "pregnancy-like" symptoms but I don't care. They hurt. And I've been tired mid-afternoon. Maybe I'm just making it all up in my head. Who knows. But testing day can't come soon enough!!!

Oh! I added a new back dated post: 100 Things About Me

$Ch*rleen

...and the waiting continues

2009-12-28T22:21:00.003-05:00

My temperature spiked but since then, it has gradually decreased staying above the coverline that FF has placed but I'm still a little nervous; should I be worried yet? I'm only 6dpo and getting very anxious about testing. I know that some HPTs are more sensitive than others; does anyone have any recommendations for tests to take on say like 10dpo?? Or should I really just wait for 14dpo?

I have noticed the last few days that I've been tired. I first thought it was the holidays making me this way but yesterday I actually took a mid afternoon nap. That's not normal for me. Today, I started to fall asleep but never did. I was able to fight it. My bbs are really sensitive but my left one is especially sore. I don't want to get too excited just yet, especially considering what my temps are doing but I can't help but get my hopes up just a little.

Thank you to everyone who stopped by via ICLW. I found a bunch of new blogs to follow and I hope that it brings more regular readers to my blog. I can't wait for January's list!

$Ch*rleen

5dpo!!!

2009-12-27T11:00:00.001-05:00

It's true, I ovulated!!!

I cannot believe my eyes everytime I look at my chart; we timed BDing just right, I got positive OPKs two days in a row and I had a really, really nice temp rise! I just don't know if I can wait until 14dpo to take my first HPT. It's going to drive me nuts! I know lots of women test at 10dpo to begin with but that's Dec 30th and I'm afraid of getting a negative and being in a bad mood for New Year's Eve ... I am planning to abstain from drinking alcohol (maybe just a toast at the strike of midnight).

How exciting is this?????!!!!!!

$Ch*rleen

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T00:20:00.000-05:00

and a Happy New Year, too!

$Chirleen

Look!!!!!!

2009-12-24T10:27:00.001-05:00

It's a Christmas Miracle$!!!!

I got a SUPER HUGE temperature rise this morning!!!! Hopefully tomorrow Fertility Friend will place my crosshairs and I'm thinking it'll either be on CD20 or CD21!!!!

What day do you think I ovulated??

$Chirleen

2ww maybe???

2009-12-23T10:01:00.003-05:00

So I took your advice and decided that the OPKs were positive both Mon & Tues (CDs 19 & 20). I used another test strip last night and it was very negative so I am guessing that I must have ovulated early yesterday? I had positives Mon AM, PM & Tues AM and a negative Tues PM. We BD'd again last night just to be sure...

My DH is really something special. I told him that I am pretty sure I've o'd and that now we get to play the sit and wait game. He said, "so does that mean you could be pregnant now?". I just wanted to cry!!! I told him that yes, it's possible I'm pregnant now, just barely though and that we need to wait 2 weeks and we'll either get AF or a BFP! He gave me a big hug!!

When I got pregnant before (the one and only time - ended in m/c), he played a song for me by the Foo Fighters from their Acoustic album called "Miracle" to express how he was feeling. Last night, he played it for me again and asked me if I remember him playing it for me before. It took me a few seconds but I remembered and of course it made me tear up a little. I tried not to cry!!!

Here are the lyrics:

Miracle$ by The Foo Fighters

Crazy, but I believe this time
Begging for sweet relief
A blessing in disguise
I'm dying behind these tired eyes
I've been losing sleep
Please come to me tonight

Hands on a miracle
I got my hands on a miracle
Believe it or not
Hands on a miracle
And there ain't no way, that you take it away

Everything that we've survived
It's gonna be alright
Just lucky we're alive
Got no vision
I've been blind
Searching everywhere
You're right there in my sight

Hands on a miracle
I got my hands on a miracle
Believe it or not
Hands on a miracle
And there ain't no way, that you take it away

Hands on a miracle
I got my hands on a miracle
Believe it or not
Hands on a miracle
I got my, hands on a miracle
And there ain't no way, that you take it away

Take it away

Tissues, anyone?

So I guess I'm in my 2ww. I'm anxious to see what FF says, when it'll put up the CH and what my temps will do. It did rise today 0.2 degrees from yesterday. *fingers crossed*, right now I'm just hoping for a Christmas Miracle O! Then I'll drive myself crazy worrying if I got pregnant or not!!! :)

$Chirleen

Positive or Negative??

2009-12-22T16:06:00.002-05:00

I know it's blurry but it's all my cell phone would do. This is my stick from this morning. The control is on the right, the test line is on the left. I'm going to take another one this evening ... and I'm going to try to remember to go pick up my camera from my office so I can take a real photo!

$Chirleen

He flirts with babies

2009-12-22T15:23:00.002-05:00

...everywhere we go. No matter where we are, if there's a baby in the room it's flirting with C. and he's flirting back. They are drawn to him. When he's handed a baby, he freezes. It's the most adorable thing ever!!

I just can't wait to make him a Daddy! He would make the most fabulous, loving Dad.

Now if it was just that easy...

$Chirleen

CD20 - Still under construction...

2009-12-22T10:51:00.004-05:00

Welcome ICLW'ers!

I'm still working on a new look for my site; I may leave it like this for a little while until I can come up with the look I'm really going for. I like the simplicity of having just a header ...

You'll also notice my new "hope meter" on the right column. This will be updated as my "baby hopes" change. This can go up and down and will change with my mood. It's just a fun way to visualize how I'm feeling!

TTC Update!

Since Friday I've been driving myself crazy! My OPKs are so confusing to me! Friday morning I got what I thought was a positive reading; same thing happened Friday afternoon, twice on Sat, twice on Sun, twice on Mon, and now this morning I think it's possible that I'm really seeing a positive and that the strips from this weekend were all just "almost" positives. I'm so confused! My chart isn't helping any either. I'm @ CD20 and I was hoping to have ovulated by now. Any chart experts out there want to check mine out and give me some insight??

$Chirleen

Changes are coming...

2009-12-21T18:47:00.008-05:00

I want to redo my layout, play with some new ideas that I have. I like the layout I'm using but it doesn't express who I am and the journey that I'm on. Don't be alarmed if things look different the next time you stop by!
An update on [me] to come either tonight or tomorrow ...

$Chirleen

IComLeavWe Dec 2009!

2009-12-21T09:23:00.009-05:00

I joined IComLeavWe (International Comment Leaving Week) for the first time this month. This is a group of bloggers who agree to leave a set number of comments on other blogs for a week each month. That week is always the 21st through the 28. If you are not on the list, you should check it out so you're ready to join for January. For more information, please go here: IComLeaveWe Dec 2009.

To those of you who are here because of IComLeavWe, Welcome!!!
My name is C h i r l e e n & I'm 28. I live in Eastern North Carolina with my fabulous husband of 2 years. I've been trying to get pregnant off and on since Dec 1999 and have had only one pregnancy but sadly it ended in a miscarriage at 7 weeks.

For years I tried to get an explanation about why I wasn't able to get pregnant but no one knew. I was finally diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome and Insulin Resistance in April 2009 however for years I was suspicious that it was the reason why I was having so many problems.

Currently I am in month 2 of a medicated cycle using Clomid. We are hoping for a new year BFP! Thank you for stopping by! Please come again soon!

$Chirleen

Getting closer ...

2009-12-18T08:48:00.006-05:00

So today (My DH's 30th birthday and CD16) is the day I was thinking would be my first +OPK and instead, I'm just really, really close. I know I've been told that progressively darker test lines doesn't mean anything other than it's just plain negative but c'mon. The last 3 days my OPK test line has definitely gotten darker each day and my EWCM is increasing BIG TIME.

And you MUST go check out my FF chart -- my temp is the LOWEST it's been all cycle! Couldn't that be the dip before the rise?

I know it's a very blurry shot (I took it with my cell phone)
but hopefully you can see what I mean.

The top stick is 2 days ago,
the middle stick is yesterday,
the bottom stick is today.

test line is on the left .......................control line on the right

$Chirleen

CD15

2009-12-17T08:00:00.006-05:00

This morning has promise!! I woke up and took my temp like I always do and it is just about the same as it was yesterday (off by about 1/100th). It has been up and down, up and down! AND I have some serious EWCM today. It's been watery the past several days but not today!! I'm talking the extra stretchy EW kind!! If my follies were at biggest only 12mm yesterday, I hope they can continue to grow and these signs all point to ovulation in the next 48 hrs or so ... grow babies, grow!!!

I know you aren't necessarily supposed to do your OPK with FMU but I did this morning and it has the darkest test line I've seen yet this cycle (and I've been testing for 7+ days). It's not exactly equal to the control line but it's fairly close ... does this mean I'm nearing the surge????

(as a reminder, you can always check out my chart by clicking the ticker at the bottom of this page)

$Chirleen

Ultrasound Appt ...

2009-12-16T21:21:00.001-05:00

So I had my follicular u/s today. I was really anxious and nervous but had a really good feeling that it would go well. The u/s tech was AMAZING and it turns out she has PCOS and it took 4 cycles of Clomid (finally at 150mg) and she's now 20 weeks pregnant! I could not have been seen by a better person. She was EXACTLY what I needed!!

My dr was able to be present for the u/s which I thought was awesome since he was on call!

First - the lining of my uterus... I don't know what it should be but I know that they said mine was 9.8-10. I dont know what measurement that is but I asked if that's good and he said that is REALLY good! Of course women on Clomid tend to have thinner lining than they should so he was very pleased to see such a good thick lining on me. Does anyone have comparisons so I know just how good this is??

Second - follies... and I do mean FOLLIES (in the plural form)!!! Right ovary - several, like 6 or 7 that measured between 4 and 6mm; small I know but there were several of them which excited me. Left ovary - several, 6 or 7 more and they measured between 10 and 12mm. Still small and I was a bit disappointed to hear that but he said that since I'm at CD14, I could still be several days away from ovulation therefore they may still be growing.

I left the appt feeling VERY excited (alittle bummed I didn't get the "go ahead" with a couple 18mm+ follies in there) but definitely full of more hope!!!

Now - what do you ladies make of all this? I took an opk today and it was negative so I'm at least 2 days away from ovulation... I do have watery CM but I understand that can be whacko and not necessarily corresponding to my CD. What chance do I have that the follies are still growing? There was at least 2 that were right at 12mm so do they have a possibility of maturing to at least 18mm?? If so - what time frame are we looking at?

The BIG day has arrived!

2009-12-16T06:34:00.001-05:00

...And I am soooooooo ~~scared~~ nervous! I hope I get good news; All I'm asking for is one good sized follie and a nice thick lining!!

Still (neg)OPKs but hopefully the dr can shed some light on when that big day will happen. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that it'll happen in the next 2-3 days. My temp jumped back up again this morning so I guess that's good news .... ??? Maybe it'll continue to rise the next few days and I'll have my O!

I will share my news as soon as I get home this evening!!

Nervous...!!

2009-12-15T10:55:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow is my very first follicular u/s and I'm getting SO nervous! I read today that when you take Clomid CDs5-9 you tend to get just one follicle but it's more mature; I was really hoping to improve my odds and have more than one but I'd rather have one really mature fattie than a handful of under matured teenies.

I am really really very nervous, anxious and excited all rolled into one!! My chart is looking pretty good and I'm thinking I might just o' in the next 1-3 days ... Fri is DH's bday - how cool would that be??? :)

Will definitely be back tomorrow to let ya'll know what I find out - it will however be later in the day as I have to drive 2 hrs each way for the appt.

Ups and Downs...

2009-12-14T17:09:00.002-05:00

Maybe the Clomid is making me ~~crazy~~ hormonal but this morning I was very positive feeling. I felt like something good was going to happen today but damnit if the last few hours I have felt just really, really down and depressed. Maybe it's because I didn't get the good news I was hoping for today (non-ttc related) ... didn't get bad news, just got no news.

The 6th negative OPK was sort of the last straw, even though I know I'm not going O at least for another couple of days; why does it have to be so emotionally draining when that happens?

Oh and for some reason this afternoon I've been really dizzy. Standing up after sitting for a long period of time makes it really bad. I don't remember having that happen last month after taking the Clomid ...

and I think it's actually possible nobody is reading my blog. That's pretty depressing, too even though I write this mostly for myself some feedback once in a while would be nice. :-\

Morning routines ...

2009-12-14T10:51:00.000-05:00

Anybody who watched my morning routine would think I was on drugs. Illegal drugs, I mean.

7am my alarm goes off all 7 days of the week. I roll over and shove an electric thermometer in my mouth and try to remain as relaxed and calm as possible (while fighting off two hungry dogs)...

I quickly run cross-legged to the bathroom repeating aloud my temperature (97.46, 97.46, 97.46, 97.46, 97.26... wait! Was that 97.46 or .26??)

Still fighting with myself on my correct temp, I'm sitting on the toilet trying NOT to pee because I've inserted a finger trying to decide what kind of CM I have today (adding that to the mental checklist with my temp).

As I'm still holding my bladder, I'm reaching further up trying to find my cervix but I'm not sure what I'm touching is actually my cervix or something else... who knows. But with my other hand, I'm touching the tip of my nose and then my lip. They say a fertile cervix feels like your lips and a non fertile cervix feels like the tip of your nose. I'm sure if my hubby saw me sitting on the toilet with one hand between my legs inserted up there with the other touching my nose and then my lip he'd probably think I was going mad.

Oh - and all the while I'm trying NOT to pee on myself.

Ok, so 97.46 (or was it .26?); Creamy CM; and whatever I'm touching feels like the tip of my nose ... ahhhhhhhhh I can finally pee!

Still I'm repeating to myself my stats for the day as I run over to my laptop to pull up my Fertility Friend chart and enter all my data.

At least I'm doing my OPKs at night b/c it would be really fun to add peeing in a really small cup to the routine.

I do all this every day. Just like many women who are ttc. We obsess over these steps because they give us clues as to what our body is doing.

It's just another daily reminder of how my body has failed me month after month ...

Clomid Round 2 Complete!

2009-12-12T08:47:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's hard to believe its already CD10. Maybe this time in a week I will have already o'd or at least getting really, really close!

I've done the test strips the last 3 nights and each night the test line has gotten a tad bit more visible. Progression is good! It's really fun to see the changes my body is going through and the signs we all take for granted and just don't notice until we're actively looking for them. Ladies, your body will tell you A LOT if you're listening!!! From one day to the next, things change. And I'm just amazed at what I'm learning from paying attention to my body.

Last night was my last Clomid pill for this cycle... now comes the waiting for O. They say you can o just 5 days after your last pill so that could technically be on the 16th (CD14) and that's the day of my ultrasound so I'd much rather it hold off until CD16 (next Friday) so that we can get a good heads up from the doctor about follie size(s)!

So far no real noticable side effects from the Clomid. Last month I didn't experience any until about 5 days after I stopped taking it ... I got really bad hot flashes for one day and had a rash develop on my chest. My husband noticed yesterday that I have broken out some across my chest but I'm not sure if it's related...

My temps have increased slightly the last 3 mornings ... not sure what that means. I'm doing a much better job this year of waking close to 7 to temp instead of doing it "whenever I wake up" which was changing from day-to-day last month. This month, the alarm is set for 7 so I am getting more accurate results.

You can check out my Fertility Friend chart here: My Chart

First OPK

2009-12-10T06:44:00.000-05:00

...and of course it's negative. Hey, it was only CD7 last night when I took it. I didn't expect it to be positive this early in my cycle but I figured I'd go ahead and start testing daily at this point just so that I don't miss that window of opportunity. I'm thinking around the 16th will be our day ... we'll see.

And in other news - more EWCM but nearly as much as last night.

SO Confused...

2009-12-09T20:07:00.000-05:00

The normal transition for CM is AF - dry - sticky - creamy - watery - EW ... this morning, I was "sticky", there was enough to notice but not a huge amount of it. I figured that was perfectly on time, right on schedule being I'm at CD7.

Tonight I bought my first set of ovulation prediction strips and was really looking forward to using them ...

After getting home, I checked my CM again and there's definitely EW-like-CM. WTF??? That's not normal, is it?? Even on Clomid - at this point in my cycle - I shouldn't be seeing that. So do I need to start testing or what?

*edit: 8:48pm*
So I just read that it's common for women who are taking Clomid to get the EWCM. Apparently it's a good thing that I'm getting it this early... and that I shouldn't ovulate at least until 5 days after my last dose of Clomid (CD14) ...

Importance of Female Orgasms

2009-12-08T11:01:00.000-05:00

Today is CD6
I've always thought female orgasms were important, being a woman and all. I even thought that if I was trying to get pregnant and I didn't orgasm, then there wouldn't be enough fluid for the sperm to travel to the egg. I convinced my husband that I must orgasm every time! He was happy to oblige of course.

I am reading a really interesting book titled PCOS and YOUR FERTILITY:Your Guide to Self-Care, Emotional Well-Being, and Medical Support (co-written by Colette Harris & Theresa Cheung). In this book, I learned that female orgasms while trying to conceive is in fact very important, just not for the reason I thought.

We all know that it's just about impossible to achieve pregnancy when a man doesn't orgasm but most of us don't realize the importance of the female orgasm, too!

"...it can help if the woman can climax after the man because the contractions of her womb and vagina create a partial vacuum, which will help transport the sperm into her cervix...when a woman climaxes anytime between a minute before to 45 minutes after her lover ejaculates, she retains significantly more sperm than she does after nonorgasmic sex." (source: PCOS and YOUR FERTILITY:Your Guide to Self-Care, Emotional Well-Being, and Medical Support) Oh really???

Now that I have this bit of info in my back pocket, bring on the BDing!

2nd Opinion...

2009-12-07T23:38:00.000-05:00

Today is CD5
After my last doctor temporarily made me lose all hope, I was really anxious about my appointment today. My mom went with me for moral support; we drove almost 2 hours!

I love the new doctor! He is so kind and so caring, he really made me feel like he wants me to be successful; he spent a lot of time sitting with me, answering my questions and explaining my bloodwork from April.

He does not agree with my previous doctor about the Clomid side effects. He feels that they were normal side effects and wants to try a 2nd round at the same dosage. He normally likes to start Clomid on CD3 but since today is CD5 (and we don't want to waste any time!) he went ahead and called in the prescription for me and I took my first pill tonight.

He wants me to go back next Wed. Dec 16th (CD14) for a follicular ultrasound to check the size of the little follies and be sure they are big enough to support a pregnancy.

I left that office with a huge smile on my face, I'm full of newfound hope and I'm especially thankful that my options are still open!

My Story

2009-12-07T22:37:00.001-05:00

My story begins way back in 1992; July 2nd, 1992 to be exact. I was just 11 years old and this day I became a woman at the start of my first period.

I had very normal, regular cycles: 28 days apart, 5 day period; nothing out of the ordinary.

Fast forward to July 1999.

I was getting married and was put on birth control pills for the first time. I continued to have regular, "normal" cycles and in November of that same year, it was time to begin trying to get pregnant. Of course the first thing I did was stop taking the birth control pills. One month later I was convinced that I was pregnant because my period didn't arrive when it should have. A few negative home pregnancy tests and I was a wreck. Why was I not pregnant and why wasn't I having a period?

Over the next few years, I struggled with unexplained weight gain and absent periods. I would sometimes go 3 or four months without one. Over time they got further and further apart. I did some research online and was convinced that I had PCOS but my doctor was not so sure. I was beginning to lose hope.

By the Spring of 2003, I had gone almost an entire year without a period. My doctor prescribed Provera to induce one. I bled for six weeks straight and did not stop until the doctor prescribed 2 birth control pills per day for 10 days straight. I quit bleeding but I also ended up still needing to have a D&C.

Still, no hope was in sight.

I met the love of my life in January 2006 and on July 10th, I had a gut feeling ... and it was confirmed with my very first positive home pregnancy test!!!

Just two weeks later (at 7 wks), I miscarried; this was by far the most awful, heart wrenching experience of my life. I feared that this would be my fate for all future pregnancies.

Over the next couple of years, I continued to go further and further between periods. December 4, 2008 was the last period I remember having ...

After a $700 panel of bloodwork in April 2009, an OB/GYN finally diagnosed me with PCOS and Insulin Resistance. I was prescribed Metformin 500mg 3x/day. The doctor explained that I would continue to have troubles conceiving but that there are options to assist in the process; I would most likely need ovulation induction.

The doctor explained that when I was ready, I could begin taking Clomid. Late October we decided to take the plunge and begin our first round (50mg/day). The doctor neglected to induce a period first so I began the series of 5 pills on Nov 3 2009 to correlate with (a fake) cycle day 3. The side effects I experienced were mild (one day of hot flashes, an acne-like rash on my chest and vaginal dryness). My doctor explained that he was convinced I had an allergic reaction and was no longer comfortable prescribing the medication to me. My progesterone levels were drawn at CD20 and showed that I had not (yet) ovulated. The doctor explained that I was out of his "comfort zone" and he recommended that I see a specialist.

My heart broke. I was not ready to give up just yet and with some moral support from some family and friends, I decided I needed a 2nd opinion.

CD32 I began spotting. My first period in a year arrived the very next morning!!! That means that I ovulated!!!

100 Things About Me

2009-12-07T22:25:00.002-05:00

To help you get to know me just a little better...

My lucky # is 13
I was born on the 13th of January
I was married on the 13 of October
If you add the # of letters in my husband's name to the # of letters in my name, you get 13
My DH and I met on Jan 3 (1/3)
I was born here
moved here when I was 4
moved back to NC when I was 7
moved back to Alaska when I was 11
moved back to NC when I was 14
moved back to Alaska when I was 17
moved here when I was 18
moved here when I was almost 19
moved back to NC when I was 20
moved here when I was 22
moved back to NC when I was 22
moved here when I was 23
moved here when I was 24 & have been here ever since!
I was a military brat growing up
My brother & sister both live in Alaska
I have a really close relationship with my parents
and I get along really well with my in-laws, too
My husband is my best friend
We have a bloodhound/lab mix named Buddha
We have a black lab mix named Gracie
We have a grey tabby named Gibbus
and another grey tabby named Orion
We own an 88 year old home
I'm addicted to the internet
I stalk FB, FF, Blogger & SoulCysters
I have PCOS
I was diagnosed April 2009
...but I have known that I have it since 2002
I had a miscarriage in 2006 at 7w, 1d
I LOVE popcorn
I wear flip flops 365 days a year
My husband calls me "pickle"
I started playing trumpet at 11
and learned the french horn a year later
I quickly picked up the saxophone and clarinet
I taught myself a little piano
and in 2004 started teaching myself bass guitar
I love vampire movies and books
I like dragging my poor DH to the movies
I am a member of a wine club
I drink wine often
I love horseback riding
I enjoy camping even when it snows at the beach on Easter
I have to live near the water to be happy
I enjoy fishing
and I bait my own hooks
I've seen 45 of the 50 states
I've been to Canada
I've been to Mexico
and I've been to Belize
Someday I plan to go to Australia
I don't shave my legs everyday
My husband says I cuss like a sailor
I love lazy afternoons watching movies at home
My favorite holiday is New Year's Eve
I'm pretty good with a computer
My mom calls me her "computer guru"
I have a really nice digital camera
and I should take more photos than I do
I would love to get my photography more visible
My favorite color red but I'm attracted to all things pink
I wear a lot of black and blue
Mom says I should wear brighter colors
I think I'm allergic to cooking
I love taking a really long, hot shower
I love cheese
I like taking impromptu roadtrips
It doesn't bother me to hop in the car and just drive for hours
My favorite movie is Labyrinth
but I also really like Legend
My favorite actor is Johnny Depp
I wore Converse high tops with my wedding gown
and I drank beer in my champagne glass
I love music of all types
I have 5 tattoos but only 4 are visible
one tattoo is covering another
My first tattoo was a unicorn on the small of my back
I then got a pretty butterfly on my right ankle
I have a treble clef behind my right ear
and then a huge fairy on my upper back
The only jewelry I wear everyday are my engagement and wedding rings
I love the smell of rain
I'm addicted to the Weather Channel
I check the weather radar several times per day
I'm terribly afraid of heights
and have a real fear of falling
I will run from a spider
but snakes actually intrigue me
I love to hear a child laugh
My DH and I share the same three initials
I've been to Disneyland
and experienced 2 earthquakes that very same day
I have a collection of fairies & unicorns
I have a bad habit of chewing my nails
I had a really hard time coming up with 100 things about myself

$Chirleen

Abbreviations

2009-12-06T09:53:00.000-05:00

The following is a list of commonly used abbreviations when discussing fertility, infertility, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome and other related topics. This list is meant to be a refernce for you so you can better understand my posts!!
This list was compiled using the following resources:
TryingtoConceive
SoulCysters
BabySnark

2WW- 2 week waiting period after Ovulation before taking pregnancy test

A
AF- Aunt Flo (ie: period)
AI- Artificial Insemination
AO-annovulation
ART-assisted reproduction technology
ASA- anti-sperm antibody
ASAP- as soon as possible

B
Baby Dust- "fairy dust" to give good luck for getting pregnant
BCP- birth control pills
BBT- basal body temperature
BD- baby dance (ie: intercourse)
BF- boyfriend or bestfriend
BFF- bestfriend (too)
BFN- big fat negative
BFP- big fat positive
BIL- brother in law
BMS- baby making sex
BTW- by the way
BW- blood work

C
CB- cycle buddy
CD- cycle day
CF- cervical fluid
CIO- Crying it Out
CM- cervical mucous

D
D&C- dilation & curettage- A procedure where the inside lining of the uterus is scraped.
DH- darling husband
DI- donor insemination
DIUI- donor intrauterine insemination
DOST- direct oocyte sperm transfer
DPO- days post ovulation
DR- doctor
DTD- do the deed (ie: sex)
DX- diagnosis

E

F
FAQ- frequently asked questions
FHR- fetal heart rate
EWCM- egg white cervical mucus
FIL- father in law

G
GD- gestational diabetes

H
HCG- Human Chorionic Gonadotropin
HPT- home pregnancy test
HTH- hope that helps

I
IF- infertility
IR- insulin resistance
IUI- in uterine insemination
IMHO- in my honest opinion
IMO- in my opinion

J

K
KWIM- know what I mean

L
LAP- laparoscopy
LMAO- laughing my a$$ off
LOL- laugh out loud
LSP- low sperm count
LPD- luteal phase defect

M
MC- miscarriage
MIL- mother in law
M/S- morning sickness
MWC- married with children

N

O
O- ovulate
OD- ovulation dysfunction
OHSS- ovarian hyper-stimulation syndrom
OPK- ovulation predictor kit
OT- off topic
OV/O'd- ovulated

P
PG- pregnant
PLS- please
POAS- pee on a stick
PUPO- pregnant until proven otherwise

Q

R
RE- reproductive endocrinologist
RX- prescription

S
SA- semen analysis
SAHD- stay at home dad
SAHM- stay at home mom
SC- sperm count
SO- significant other

T
TMI- too much info
TSH-thyroid stimulating hormone
TTC- trying to conceive
TX- treatment

U
US- ultrasound

V

W

X

Y

Z

Confessions of a TTC-A-Holic

2ww

trigger

still here

C'mon AF!

crap

testing android Blogger

Handwriting Game + Update

I am going to SCREAM!!!

Get some free stuff!

And I'm Still Waiting...

New Comment Platform

And the result is...

D'what?!

Just waiting!

C'mon AF!

Secret FB Group

Impatience

Annovulatory?

Daddy

ANOTHER Infection!

Crosshairs!

More Good News!

Craaaaap! *updated*

Hot Flashes!

Pretties

Photo Survey

A letter to my kitty

Dear Orion,

Your Maid/Momma,

Bloodwork Comparisons

HSG Results

I'M ALL CLEAR!!!!!!

HSG: T Minus 4 1/2 hrs

thank you!

Another Award!

My 1st Night Using Circle+Bloom

It's Like Christmas Morn!

Hooray for Saturday!

Calling for Recipes!

Stupid Cyst!

Happy Birthday Erica!!

1st Appt. with the RE

I WON!!!!! I won, I won, I won, I won!!!

More Bad News *UPDATED with some good news*

V-Day Surprise

Well....

D'oh!

Happy Birthday Aleh!!!

Goodbye

The End

Happy Birthday Chelle!!!

I'm still in!

13dpo...

Phew!

An Award!

Oh well, she's not human

Circle+Bloom Giveaway!

My first Scrap Kit!

3 DPO!!!!!!!!!

This is SO confusing!

cd18 Already?

Hurry up and wait...

Spread the Love!!!!!

Busted Libs!

$Ch*rleen

Sock It To Me!

Calling all Strong & Brave Women of IF!

$Ch*rleen

My Photography Blog

$Ch*rleen

Welcome ICLW'ers!

$Ch*rleen

U/S & Bloodwork...

$Ch*rleen

Another Year Older...

$Ch*rleen

A New Beginning

$Ch*rleen

Now what?

Craaaaap! updated

More Bad News UPDATED with some good news